Wonderings and Clarifications

I just got done having a conversation with a dear trans woman, each of us sharing our stories and talking through our relationship with God and the Church. After I shared my story of transition, conversion, and de-transition, her [1] initial response was that in her view of things, I am in fact a woman, and am living in denial.

I try to be as objective as I can when considering others' thoughts, so just for the moment let's not simply reject the statement outright. I know she meant well, in a sense (though she prefaced her statement with "this might offend you, but ..."). I think there is a well-intended genuine concern here, and I want to honor that - in her world-view, people who see themselves as women truly are women; if that is the case, then to not transition is to deny myself the authenticity of being truly who I was made to be. Such goes the standard transgender narrative.

But I know the other consideration here is that in applying Catholic anthropology to myself (in seeing myself as a man and my body as good), I am also making a statement about her own journey. I can appreciate the concern, and I will admit to hesitating to share my story without first listening to hers. She was right, too - my de-transition within the context of my conversion did speak to a change in my general attitude toward medical and social transitioning in general.

Part of this discussion was also surrounding the wider question of Catholic teachings on sexuality, with my new friend [2] making the rather unfortunate claim that the Church teaches that there is no such thing as homosexuality or being gay. Seeing as that is a total misinterpretation of Church teachings, I was tempted to correct her - but I also know that there is a deep and painful wound here, which doesn't get healed through correcting theological misconceptions.

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I struggle with what to say in these situations, because I get it.

I understand why she began her story feeling a need to justify her transition.

I understand why the conversation felt as much like an argument as it did like an honest and open discussion.

I understand her perspective that I am almost letting down the transgender community in accepting the Church's teachings (not to mention the way that I let down the LGBTQ+ community).

Sometimes people in the Church say terrible and hurtful things, and that must be acknowledged. Wounds are real, rejection is real, pain is real. May I never dismiss anyone's scars. But it's a struggle for sure - this was probably the first time in a few years I have discussed transgender issues with someone who comes at it from an entirely different perspective.

Granted, it's a perspective I used to hold - down to the claim that scientific studies demonstrate the truth of brain-sex theory [3].

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I guess I still feel a need to clarify - I don't hate people who are transgender. Nor do I look down on them, pity them, or see them as being in need of redemption (any more than all of us are in need of redemption). While we may disagree on the merits and morality of transitioning as a treatment for gender dysphoria, and while I may wish that they would accept the fullness of the revelation of God as presented by the Church (and then live according to that revelation), I have no intention of forcing my perspective on anyone. Nor do I intend to force anyone to live according to the ideologies I have chosen to accept as being true.

I do, however, want to make a rather bold claim - anything the Catholic Church teaches in this area is meant to come from a place of love and to lead us to a deeper understanding of ourselves, and is meant to orient us toward loving God.

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The Eden Invitation transgender [4] community recently held a listening session with Shannon, one of the founders. Seeing as we live within a rather specific niche (living according to the teachings of the Catholic Church while also having experiences that often cause people to leave the Church), the question came up - "What do you want the wider LGBTQ+ community to know about your experiences?"

My immediate answer - we're not miserable, and we aren't living empty lives devoid of happiness or meaning.

As I said previously, the standard transgender narrative is that a person who experiences gender dysphoria must transition, or else be doomed to live an inauthentic life. The narrative further expresses the concern that those who insist on living according to the "rules of the Church" are doing so at great cost, and are perhaps even victims of a Church that has a medieval understanding of the human person.

From discussions with those in my community, this claim is so unfortunate because it dismisses the experiences of those of us who subscribe to Church teachings. Even more, it dismisses the experiences of those who experience gender dysphoria and would transition if not for life circumstances (of which there are many).

It would be a mistake for me to attempt to convince anyone of a certain ideology in the context of a blog, but the point I'm making is this: it is possible to live an authentic and meaningful life in while not transitioning. Or, to put it another way - my gender dysphoria is not the entirety of my story.

I experience gender dysphoria. There are days I experience my being male as a great pain and transitioning as a great longing. There is true suffering at times, but there is also true joy. My experiences are real and they are part of who I am, but they do not encompass all of who I am. I struggle to see myself in light of how God sees me, but I also must acknowledge that He knows me better than I know myself and loves me better than I love myself. It is still a wonder that He allows me to experience that disconnect at a times, knowing that it draws me to trust Him and His vision more than even my own perspectives.

I am who God makes me to be, in all that I am, body and soul - and I attempt (rather feebly) to honor that. As a Catholic I embrace that tension because there will never be a moment that we fully comprehend the mystery that is God's plan for our lives; but I have still found that His plan is good and worth following. And while I don't entirely understand what God is revealing in my life, I don't hesitate for a moment to continue following Him.

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[1] I say "her" because I know both the experience of gender dysphoria as well as the experience of having that experience ignored. I'm of the opinion that you can present the truth of God's view of humanity while also honoring the pain of someone's experiences, and insisting on referring to someone by their biological sex (while true) can exacerbate that pain without providing any opportunity for loving dialogue.

[2] More significantly, she is also my sibling in Christ,  a member of the same Mystical Body.

[2] Brain-sex theory is interesting, because it makes the claim that the brain has the potential of being of a different sex from the rest of the body. If it were true, and if it were further established that the sex of the brain unchangeable, it would be ethical to allow people to medically transition (or at least morally neutral, because there would be objective and demonstrable evidence of the need to align body and mind). The scientific literature remains unclear at best as to the veracity of the brain-sex theory claims (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7139786/; https://www.centerforfaith.com/blog/sex-gender-and-transgender-experiences-part-4-brain-sex-theory). A more reasonable claim is that our behaviors and desires according to social stereotypes of masculinity and femininity can be attributed to some extent to the way our brains are formed. What that has to do with gender identity remains unclear, and perhaps even unverifiable.

[3] I say "transgender" to simplify the description of our community. Truth be told, we have a variety of experiences, from gender non-conformity to gender dysphoria to body dysmorphia, and not all of us would identify as transgender.