Retreat Recap (part 2): Affection - Lent Journal (12/40)

This is a continuation of a series of posts on this year's annual Eden Invitation retreat, "Into the Longing". To read the other posts: Part 1

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One of the topics discussed during the weekend, especially in small groups and men's sessions, was affection - specifically, the universal need for affection. This is an area where our culture could learn from both the beautiful examples of same-sex intimacy in scripture (see: David and Jonathan; Jesus and John the beloved disciple). Especially for men, our culture prevents a homophobic view of same-sex affection, with anything beyond strictly platonic touch being seen as an act of romance.

I'd like to stick with our example for a moment, because our eyes are so colored by the notion that "physical affection equals sex"; as a result, we read David's love for Jonathan and immediately think "they were lovers", instead of being struck by the fact that our friendships don't look like that and the severe lack that we feel.

St. Augustine's love for his friend - Confessions

In fact, I would suggest it is exactly because of this lack of intimacy in our friendships - what we assume is normal - that also leads us to assume ancient examples of true bonds of friendship are all just masks for sexual partnerships. I remember hearing the same "jokes" about Frodo and Sam, and it's so unfortunate how lonely we all are because we hold ourselves back and constrain our friendships to some small fraction of what they should look like.

This is an area where men experiencing same-sex attractions actually have an advantage, because they find themselves drawn to other men and desiring closeness and intimacy - which is how our friendships should be. Fraternal love is love, as is desirous love: both of these are good, true, and worthy of pursuit in all our relationships.

Description of the first Franciscan brotherhood - Br. Thomas of Celano

It turns out you are actually supposed to be intimate and affectionate with your friends, and it has nothing to do with sex.

The people at this retreat got it - sure, there were boundaries; but there were also heads resting on shoulders; big comforting hugs; held hands; emotional vulnerability; shared stories. I would dare say there was a closeness there that you just don't find everyday. Talk about good news.

Sam's love for Frodo - Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers